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nostalgic

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so i'm actually writing on here.
mostly because bloopdiary isn't working.
but anyway...

a year ago (from the day before mother's day) was the night it all started again...
it wasn't officially dating, but it definately felt like it.
that night was awesome.
we sat in my car for two hours just talking and listening to music.
and the thing i was waiting for for over 2 years finally happened.
i don't remember how it happened, but we kissed for the first time in 2 years.
it was actually one of the best nights of my life, although barely anything happened.
but that was the night everything started again with him.
what i remember most was the drive home.
i didn't stop smiling the whole way.
but in the back of my mind, i still had my doubts.
i still had the feeling it was too good to be true, like it was in january and then april of last year.
but on mother's day we talked again, and i was assured that this time, it was real.
those three weeks short weeks were the happiest i had been in a long time, and pretty much since.
but as quickly as it started, it was over.
i really should have seen it coming, and i probably did, but i was denying it.
i knew it was too good to be true when he started talking to his ex almost every night.
although he never told me about it, i knew, as soon as he would answer the phone.
and i knew that i was just a replacement.
she had moved away the month before.
i knew that i was just there because he can't stand being alone.
the worst part-
i had to hear about it in a fucking myspace blog.
didn't even have the courage to tell it to my face.
that he was still in love with his ex.
he had given me an excuse a few nights before as to why we couldn't see each other anymore.
and it seemed sincere.
once again, i believed the excuses.

urgh i can't believe i still think about this shit.
i know he doesn't.
i know he doesn't realize that its been a year.
and that's so pathetic.
that it has been a year... a fucking year... and i still care.
i guess i need to learn to get over things.
like that's ever gunna happen.